Does Birth Order Effect Personality

 

Does Birth Order Effect Personality?

Corey (2013) writes, the “actual birth order is less important than the individual’s interpretation of his or her place in the family” (pg. 108).  I believe this point is important to remember when confirming how accurate Adler’s description of birth order is when compared to my family.  I am the oldest sibling with one younger sister, who was born five years after me.  I have vague memories of my life as a young child, but my most memorable experience is when my sister was born.  I also have many memories of my childhood being spent with my grandparents in North Carolina.  It was difficult to reflect much younger than being eight, but with some deep thought and inspiration from my parents I was able to recollect some important events.

Reflecting on before my sister was born, I do not remember my mother’s pregnancy, but I know I went to the hospital to meet my newborn sister.  I was able to hold her, although my parents were close by to help me.  My grandparents were at our home, and I remember many visitors.  I do not know many feelings except for excitement.  I made sure to be included and somewhat protective over her.  I wanted to feed her and played on the floor with her.  In reflection after reading that Adler believed the addition of a second child, “meant the dethronement of the first-born” (Berger, 2021), can explain why I felt neglected, and became more independent.

            Before my sister was born, I did have all of my parents' attention, I was told that I was an easy-going baby and was good at entertaining myself.  These qualities, I believe, enhanced my abilities to adjust after her birth.  My sister was nothing like me.  As a young child she was stubborn and uncontrollable.  Adler was correct by saying, “the typical second child behaves as if she were in a race and is generally under full steam at all times” (Corey, pg. 108).  I remember my parents describing her as a “bull in a China shop.”  Growing up, I can describe her as more outgoing than myself.  She was always free-spirited, adventurous, and sensitive.  I tend to take more precautions, think through my options, I am introverted, and less empathetic.

            Another memory I have was shortly after my sister was born, my birthday party at my grandparents’ house.  My sister was two-months old, so my party was also a welcoming party for her.  All my family came, we had a clown for the kids and a large cookout.  It was one of the biggest parties I ever had.  Reflecting now I realize I was not the star of the show, but at the time it was the best birthday.  Most of my childhood memories involve my grandparents because their house was so far away, it was like a mini vacation.  After my sister was born, I stayed there for weeks at a time.  I enjoyed the company of my cousins, and the attention I got without my sister around.  At home, besides in school, I did not have many friends to play with and me and my sister did not get along.  I did crave a feeling of belonging, and with my parents busy working schedules, there was not much time for socializing.  I must have missed this stage in my development, whereas my sister, as she got older, got to be included in activities with me.

In many ways we are similar.  I had to ask my parents for their input, as I felt my assessment was biased.  We both are goal oriented and have high expectations and aspirations in life.  I followed the independence and career drive that my mother has by owning a dog grooming salon.  My sister went away to earn her college degrees, and now has moved to Australia to work in a college.  I preferred to live close to home and work a full-time job while getting my education.  I never felt I was a perfectionist, but I was always striving to please.  

There have been many recent studies on the topic of birth order and individual’s personality traits.  Some theories show that the traits could be more related to the individuals upbringing, parental involvement, size of family, age and sex of siblings, socioeconomic standings, and culture (Berger, 2021). According to my parents, we both had decent grades, we both had a temper and desire to excel.  She was rebellious as a child; I was rebellious as a teen.  I endured more punishment because of my behavior, and she got away with more because my parents were busy dealing with me.  She enjoyed more materialistic things; I believe because my parents were in a better financial place by that time then they were with me.  As a young child I spent many days with a sitter, and when my sister was young, I was her sitter.  I was controlling over her, although she was difficult to manage.  My parents had high expectations of me and I had many responsibilities.  Most of my middle childhood was spent caring for my sister, helping my mother, now feeling as if I had to grow up at a young age.  Which is a trend for most of my life.

If I were to compare Adler’s beliefs about birth order to my family, I can say I partially agree with his personality descriptions.  I did research and found studies that prove there is no relation to order and predicted personalities (Berger, 2021).  Everyone has their own personality which develops over time and is based on different life experiences.  Also, the descriptions seemed either or, being opposites.  Some aspects coincidentally characterized me, like having a type A personality and resistance stepping out of my comfort zone, which can lead to excessive stress (Voo, 2020).  Not all characteristics hold true for myself and my sister.

Adlerian therapy emphasizes the need to overcome feelings of inferiority and gain a sense of belonging (Cherry, 2021).  Once my sister was born, I suffered from overcompensation to a severe level once I was a teenager.  After studying this theory, I had an inferiority complex, with low self-esteem and displayed secondary inferiority as an adult.  I began a life of alcohol and drug abuse to compensate for these feelings.  Although Adler believed that behavior is learned, I feel that my behavior was to seek attention and to cope.  After years of therapy, I was able to acknowledge these feelings of inferiority, and set stable goals in my life once I was sober.  I feel connected now, although I still strive for approval from my parents.  I was reorientated into society with courage to face challenges and have become a better person.

References

Berger, L. (2021, April 13). Does Birth Order Really Determine Personality? Here's What the Research Says.  Time.

https://time.com/5953372/birth-order-personality-traits/

Cherry, K. (2021, December 21). What is Alderian Therapy? Very Well Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/alderian-theory-definition-techniques-and-efficacy-5213796

Corey, G. (2012). Student Manual for Corey’s Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy. Cengage Learning.

Voo, J. (2020, July 30). Birth Order Traits: Your Guide to Sibling Personality Differences. Parents. https://www.parents.com/baby/development/social/birth-order-and-personality/